Wingmen
by 2ManyMothaUckas
Summary: Due to certain events, Usopp finds himself on the quest to hit the bars and get some action! And who better to help him then his nakama? Rated M for Language and possible Usopp success later on. R


Disclaimer: I don't own one piece. Sorry, wish I did. I'd prolly be rollin in dough! However I do own the idea of this story, and I hope you enjoy it. Feedback would be much appreciated

FYI: Takes place after the Time Skip

CHAPTER 1: A letter

The sky was clear and the waves were calm. Thousand Sunny slowly rolled along the beautiful blue sea. The Strawhat crew had just finished up an excellent picnic lunch courtesy of their chain-smoking chef, and was now relaxing on the ship's grassy deck. The ship still had the smell of the grill Sanji had been working, and light music from Brook's violin flowed through the air. Life couldn't be much better. Everyone was happy…well almost everyone.

*sigh*

…

*SIGH*

…

"Alright what is it?" The ship's navigator looked up from her daily news paper to the source of the sighing. The crew's marksman was lying on his stomach with his head buried in his arms.

"Oh…Nothing…Nothing at all" he responded.

"Oh cut the bull shit." replied Nami, "Clearly you want some attention so what's the matter?"

"I agree Usopp," the always calm Robin looked at him with a smile, "You have seemed a little less cheery than usual today."

"Yes! I believe that he's been moping around ever since 9:45 sharp this morning!" Brook exclaimed.

"9:45 sharp? How do you know the exact time?" queried the cook.

"Because I've got eyes in the back of my head! So I can keep an eye on my watch and an eye on Usopp! Oh! Wait! I don't have any eyes to begin with! YOHOHOHOHOHO!" Robin lightly chuckled while the rest of the crew rolled their eyes.

"Regardless," said Franky, "what happens at 9:45?"

"The mail pelican arrives!" chimed in Chopper.

"Really? I thought he got here at 10?"

"No, you're both wrong it's 9:30"

"I'm positive it's 9:45! Cause we eat breakfast at 9:00 and it usually…"

*SIIIIIIIIIIGH*

" WHAT IS IT!" The loud chorus of voices caused Usopp to flinch.

"Well you don't have to shout! A-anyway, I got a letter from home this morning…a letter from Kaya."

"I know her!" Luffy smiled brightly, "She gave us Merry! And she lives with the sheep guy!"

"Yeah…very good Luffy, anyway she says the village is doing fine, and she's doing fine but…but…"

"What is it Usopp?" asked a concerned Nami.

"She…um…."

"Spit it out!" yelled Zoro.

"SHE'S GOING TO BECOME A NUN!" Usopp took a second to catch his breath after shouting, while the crew sat there silently. Chopper was the first to break the silence.

"A NUN! OH NO! That's bad! That's terrible! That's…umm….what is a nun? Is it bad?"

"Not at all," reassured Robin, "A nun is a woman who devotes herself to the church. It's very admirable of that young lady to do that."

"Oh Cool!"

"It is. So what's the big deal Usopp?" asked Franky.

"Well…if she's a nun then…well then she's got no need for me! Well other than a friend that is! And I always thought that we'd be able to start something once I got back from this Journey ya know? But looks like she's not going to be waiting for me anymore when I finally get home."

"Sure she will," said Zoro, "You just won't be getting any is all."

"Yep, looks like you're S.O.L. there." added Sanji. "But look on the bright side buddy! There's an ocean of beautiful ladies out there! This is a golden opportunity for you!"

"Golden…just like her hair…"

"Usopp, this sad stuff just isn't you." The cyborg walked over to the young man and placed his huge hand on his back, "when I feel sad…I just decide to feel SUPER instead! Give it a try!" Franky sprung into his favorite pose, "SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPER!"

"SUUUUUUUUUUUPER!" Chopper and Brook jumped up and struck poses right alongside Franky. The reindeer looked at Usopp, "Now you try!" Usopp stood up and threw his arms over his head before collapsing to the ground.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucky…." Usopp curled up into the fetal position. The rest of the crew looked at him quietly, thinking of something to say. Luffy stood up and put his hands on his hips, looking determined and confident in what he had just thought of.

"Usopp needs sex!" declared the captain. The crew looked at each other in shock and awe. Robin chuckled while Nami shot a look at Franky.

"You already had the talk with him?"

"What? No! I thought Zoro was going to!"

"Huh? Why would we have that shit head give him the talk?"  
"SHUT IT SWIRLY!"

"YOU SHUT IT!" Zoro and Sanji continued shouting for the other to shut up before Brook chimed in.

"Well either way I think it's a wonderful idea! Maybe not necessarily sex, but maybe if he got to see some panties…"  
"NOT ON YOUR LIFE PERVERT SKELLETON!"

"Pervert? You mean me?"

"ENOUGH!" Usopp stood up and looked at his crew members. "Guys, I'm not sure I'm ready to go meet a girl…I mean if Kaya didn't want me then who would…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself Usopp!" Luffy hopped over to his friend, "You're awesome! No one catches more fish then you do! Women like fish! Or something about women and fish…what did Shanks say?" Luffy's thought was cut off by a swift knock to the back of the head by Nami. "OUCH!"

"Zip it Luffy! Either way Usopp you have a lot to offer a girl! You've always been smart and fun loving! And you've become much manlier over the past two years!" Nami smiled at her friend. Usopp was taken aback by the sudden barrage of compliments from Nami.

"You…you really think so? Well thanks Nami! Maybe this is what I need! You're right! I need to get my mind off of Kaya and live my life! I'm a young stallion just waiting to be mounted! Alright who's it gonna be?"

"Oh no! no no no no no no no! Sorry but it's not going to be Robin or I" stammered Nami. Robin shot a glance over at Franky as he exhaled a huge sigh of relief and giggled.

"Damn right Long Nose! You're not having my Nami swaaaaaaaaaaan!" Sanji glared at Usopp before Nami stepped in between the two of them.

"Well Sanji neither are you." Nami stated bluntly causing Sanji to slump his shoulders and frown. Nami took a couple steps and turned back and shot him a devilish smile. "Unless…you help him out."

"What! I'm not gonna sex up Usopp!"

"You'd probably like it..."

"Fuck off Asshole!"

"Stop fighting you two! That's not what I meant!" Nami stepped in between the two causing an immediate mood swing in Sanji. "Sanji, or well any of you I suppose, should help Usopp meet a girl."

"In other words be a wingman! Yohohoho! I was quite the wingman back in my day!"

"Wingman? I wanna fly!"

"Ooooh me too!" Chopper's eyes sparkled. Nami and Robin saw this as their time to duck out and headed into the aquarium room. Sanji turned to Luffy and Chopper

"Not like that morons! Be long nose's wingman huh? I suppose I could do that! I'd get him more action then you could moss head."

"You think so huh swirly? Then let's make it a challenge!"

"Hold on you guys!" exclaimed Usopp. The rest of the crew turned and looked at the sniper. "Who says I even need your help? I'm the great captain Usopp after all!" Franky smiled at Usopp and raised his sunglasses.

"Alright, then let's see if you can manage by yourself! We'll stop at the next island and see if you can land yourself a little lady. If not, you have to agree to letting one of us be your wingman." Franky looked around for confirmation from the rest of the men in the crew. All of them nodded or gave a thumbs up to let him know they were game. "How's that sound?" Usopp tilted his head up and thought to himself. He looked back at his friends with a big smile on his face.

"Alright. I'm game. Let's do this!"

END CHAPTER

Please review and be on the look out for chapter two


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